Recently I’ve had several dreams where I’m in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation with someone, realize I’m dreaming, realize that if I’m dreaming that means I must know the other person’s part of the conversation because I’m the one dreaming it, and realize I don’t actually know the other person’s part because I’ve never learned the information being said.

What I remember the next day isn’t anything about the contents of the conversation, only the experience of waking up in the dream and reasoning out that there is no possible way I could know what the other person is saying even though I’m dreaming. In the dream I also know that I’m doing it again.

Last night I had a long winding dream. Lately my dreams often have this really odd quality like I’m having a conversation with myself, or someone, but this one was more the normal narrative thing. Somewhere in the beginning I had to swim a long way in the ocean. I was swimming along a shoreline but very far out, and I think there was some danger of drowning, scary, though through the rest of the dream after I got out it was no big deal. I don’t remember how I got out, but then I had these spots on my legs. Later in the dream I was using the bathroom and one of the spots exploded and all these tiny insects were crawling on me. I was disturbed. I spent the rest of the dream in some sort of hotel place going from dorm to dorm looking for the right place to take a shower. I had this very specific shower I wanted to take, a certain sequence. But then I realized that, the whole time I was looking to take the shower, I didn’t actually need it anymore, because the bugs were already gone.

Dreamt I was on my back in the palm of an immense hand, radiating energy. Still exploding. The paradox is that through THIS I’ve ceased to exist. And also, that I know I don’t have to do anything, and yet I feel strongly driven to do something. I want to study, and to teach, this thing which is not really explainable.

Afraid of coming off as a “religious person,” and scaring people away, and sad that has such bad, off-putting, connotations these days.